What Marriage Means to Me Now

I just got out of an 11-year long-term relationship about two years ago. Not long after, I got involved with another man for 1.5 years, which ended about 1.5 years ago as well. These were the two most serious relationships in my life so far.

The second one… was the most heart-breaking.

After that, I started reading a lot of books on relationships and the law of attraction…and slowly, things began to make sense.

I’m a simple woman, just like many others…hoping for a happily-ever-after kind of love.

But now, I’ve come to realize… the man I eventually marry must be someone I can trust, respect, and genuinely admire.

Trying to control someone…or expecting them to change for you…is never the right thing to do.

I used to believe that if a man truly loved me, he would change for me.

Now, I see how wrong that thinking was.

The journey from dating to marriage can be long, and during that time, you begin to see clearly whether he's truly the right person for you.

I once thought, “If he’s rich, capable, and I have some feelings for him…then he must be the one.”

Hell no.

The real question is:

In that moment, deep down… does he feel like “the one” you’ve been looking for?

Can you trust your future with him?

Trust means:

You believe in his loyalty…without needing to check, question, or investigate.

You know he’ll take care of you.

You feel safe with him…simply from how he shows up in your life.

That’s when you know…he is your Mr. Right.

If you constantly find yourself wanting to change his career choices, his habits, or his way of thinking…

Then ask yourself honestly:

Is he truly the right person for you?

And vice versa…

How would you feel if your man constantly suspected you, checked your phone, questioned your every move, or tried to direct your life instead of supporting you?

Would you feel loved, or trapped?

Now imagine this instead:

You’re with a man who is free to have his guys’ night out whenever he wants…and you’re at peace because you trust him.

He tells you something bold he said to his boss…and even if it might affect his career, you feel proud of his courage because you trust his intentions.

He listens when you speak.

He makes time for you.

He surprises you…not just on anniversaries, but just because.

There’s no game.

No pretending.

Just flow.

Just ease.

Just knowing.

Wouldn’t that be a love worth waiting for?

To me, that would be the most perfect kind of marriage….

One where I can open my heart fully, and be truly seen and understood.

It took effort and inner work to reach this clarity… but I’m proud of where I am now.

And I sincerely wish every woman out there will one day find her happy ever after too. 💗

From a Child's Mind

Speaking from a child's heart, there’s something I truly hope every parent and adult can understand:

Always encourage a child whenever they want to try something new…even if it seems impossible to you.

A child’s confidence is incredibly fragile. Any form of criticism, teasing, or humiliation…even if unintentional…can shape their entire life.

I remember when I was a child, I used to be outspoken and confident speaking in front of people. There was once, when I was just five, a teacher called in sick and I actually stood in front of the class and started “teaching.” I still remember how proud and happy I felt.

But… an aunty of mine, who didn’t know how to encourage properly, started teasing me in a funny tone. I felt so embarrassed. Since then, I’ve never really overcome that fear of public speaking.

To this day…now at 33…I still feel the anxiety when I try to speak in front of people. I’ve attempted to give presentations, but anxiety kicks in. My face flushes, my mind goes blank, and I can’t finish.

Honestly, one of the few times I feel less afraid… is when I’m a bit drunk 😂

To those who’ve experienced the same kind of childhood embarrassment but have managed to overcome it…I’m genuinely happy for you. Congratulations. Truly.

Dear parents and adults…when children are unhappy or act out, ask them why. Let them express themselves…even if they're being naughty. Don’t shut them down or talk over their emotions. Just hold space, give them a hug or a kiss, and let them calm down in their own time. Let them know it’s okay to feel how they feel.

If we judge or scold before understanding, they may grow up hiding their emotions, thinking it’s not safe to be vulnerable. They might even do reckless things, just to feel seen. And worst of all…they might stop trusting that anyone will ever truly listen.

I’m not saying I have all the answers. But I believe it all depends on what kind of person you hope your child becomes: confident, expressive, proud… or reserved, quiet, and uncertain of their worth.

I don’t have kids yet.

But I do pledge this…

One day, when I become a mother, I will encourage my children. I will not laugh at their courage when they try.

So once again…I hope every parent and adult reading this can remember:

Be kind to every child, whether they’re yours or not.

Your words can shape a lifetime.

With lots of love,

❤️