How Do You Feel When You Hear About Your Ex’s New Life?

I was on a short trip with my bestie recently when I found out some news about my ex. (I haven’t been on social media for some time now, and of course, I had already unfriended him.)

Let’s rewind a little.

This man I was with for 11 years wasn’t a bad person, and he treated me alright...at least, that’s what I thought. Honestly, I never really felt that he was “the one,” but I stayed… and that’s how we ended up together for more than a decade. Along the way, we fought...almost every month...sometimes big, sometimes small. I used to tell my besties that my gut was telling me we weren’t right for each other. But I ignored it, and just kept going.

(P.S.: At one point, we even talked about getting married.)

In our 10th year, something finally shifted. I made the decision to break up. It dragged on for a few more months, and we finally ended things on the 11th year.

Recently, I found out that he got married about six months ago...after dating his wife for only a year or so. From what I hear, he’s living a joyful, luxurious, and comfortable life. That hit me.

It made me realize:

We should have ended much earlier.

We wasted too many years together.

We were both too tired, too afraid to let go.

After hearing about his happiness, I felt deeply depressed. Not because I wanted to be with him...but because I felt so stupid for not leaving sooner. He’s now giving someone else the kind of care and generosity I never received from him. That alone proves we were never truly right for each other.

But here’s what I also realized:

Back then, I didn’t truly love myself.

I didn’t know how to.

I ignored my own unhappiness.

I dismissed my gut feeling.

I silenced my needs, over and over again.

And now? My heart hurts...not because I lost him, but because I tortured myself for so long. I even had a moment where I imagined going in front of him and telling him off — asking why I was never worth his best.

But I know now:

When a man truly loves you, he gives without you needing to fight for it.

You don’t need to sacrifice yourself for someone’s incapacity.

A man who loves you won’t string you along for 11 years without committing.

So this is my only conclusion:

From now on, I choose me.

I choose to love myself, care for myself, honour my own feelings.

If you want others to love you, you must love yourself first.

Waiting for someone to love you when they can’t...that’s the most torturous and foolish thing you can do to yourself.

I’m still hurting.

But I hope I can overcome this pain, and move forward soon.

And lastly…

I wish you all the best in finding someone who can love you as much as you love yourself. 💗